The Black Prince

"We ignore what we are doing until it is too late to alter it. We never allow ourselves quite to focus upon moments of decision; and these are often in fact hard to find even if we are searching for them. We allow the vague pleasure-seeking annoyance-avoiding tide of our being to hurry us onward until the moment when we announce that we can no other..."
"How human responsibility is possible at all could well puzzle an extra-galactic student of this weird method of proceeding through time."...
"...in most cases the rag-bag of consciousness is only unified by the experience of great art or of intense love..."
~Bradley Pearson in Iris Murdoch's novel- The Black Prince.

It's a rather cynical way to look at humans. Although, there is this thread of hope with the part about "great art" and "intense love"

"Pleasure-seeking", "annoyance-avoiding"; is this what motivates us? Is this all there is to it? As a whole, is humankind this self-centred? If we were completely honest with ourselves, would we be able to come up with altruistic motives for anything that we do?

I'm on this pleasure-seeking track right now, but I wouldn't say it was vague. It is with intention. I have a few friends and family members who have cancer. My own mortality is constantly staring me in the face. Living in the beautiful moments and seeking fun, living intensely is what I'm all about these days. When things aren't fun, when things are irritating, I want to avoid them with all my might. There is nothing vague about it. Someone said to me that since my head injury, I have become more self-centered. So be it. I will be self-centered responsibly, with intensity and integrity.