Swallowed

I've never felt this way about a job before. I can't let it go. My life seems to be swallowed by it.

The Community Adult Literacy Program will only develop if I push it forward. There is no inherent momentum yet. I have to constantly talk about it, contact people, ask for volunteers, find the learners, meet with potential community partners, write, tell, act the story. The problem lies in that I don't stop when we shut off the lights and lock the doors at the office. My head is constantly in a spin about what to do next and who to talk with.

I'm so tired by the end of the day that I don't have much left for my family. Even when I'm with them, sometimes I find my mind wandering to the next event that I have to plan and promote. So many evenings and weekends have been and are going to be swallowed up, if not with billable hours, than with thinking and planning hours at home when I want to be focusing on family.

I don't resent the job yet. I'm passionate about this program and how it can help people increase their quality of life. I just want some down time to run, or write, or play games or read, or hike or paddle without the project's magnitude seeping in.

At some point I'm going to have to realize at some level that no matter what happens to the program, I've done my job and then some.