Mended Heart

Twenty-two years ago yesterday, our 5 month old baby Angela had open heart surgery to patch a hole between the ventricles in her heart. I don't always think about her operation on Nov 15 but this year the memory is so clear. Maybe it's because Angela is away travelling, experiencing new things that I have no part of. Perhaps it's because I met her cardiologist, Dr Patterson, on a street in Vancouver last week, randomly. I hadn't seen him in about 15 years.

For whatever reason, I am recalling that traumatic event and talking about it to friends, some of whom haven't heard the story before. I remember Angela's failure to thrive, lack of weight gain, infections, and dehydration leading up to the surgery date. She had so many medical tests and for 10 days had to be fed through a nasal gastric tube. She had medical students, doctors, and nurses poking and prodding her daily.

Surgery day came and went. Successful operation we were told. She'll be off the respirator in a day, out of ICU in 3 days, and home in 10-14 days they said. In reality, she was still on a respirator after a week. I had become an RN just over a year before. I knew there was reason for concern. I sat beside Angela's bed from early morning until late at night for days on end. Rudy would come to the hospital straight from work and we would sit and watch our sedated angel with her shaved head and tubes and wiring and monitors. I asked many questions of the nurses. I got the sense that Angela was not responding the way the medical staff expected. I told them what I thought needed to be done to change things, decreasing the valium for one. Again, Angela's body reacted in inexplicable ways. I wanted answers.

Angela was taken off the respirator on day 7 and transferred to a regular ward shortly after. She screamed for 36 hours straight with fisted hands, arched back, toes curled, and diarrhea. No one could tell me what was going on. I don't think the doctors were sure.

This is where Dr Patterson comes in. He had been on rounds before and had heard my concerns and tried to answer my questions. But on this particular day, post-op day 13 or so, he listened to the resident's report and then turned to me and asked me what I thought should be done. I said, "Let us take her home, she needs to be home." He said she's discharged. The resident doctor argued and Dr Patterson said, it's important to listen to the mother. Within an hour of being home, Rudy and I noticed a change in Angela, she smiled at us, she opened her hands, she relaxed her body and cuddled.

Angela hasn't had any problems with her heart since. She has been monitored regularly for years and everything is fine.

So this is a tribute and a thank you to Dr Patterson for being an amazing, intuitive, compassionate pediatric cardiologist.

And of course a tribute to Angela for being the beautiful, strong, sensitive woman that she has grown to be. Thank you for not giving up the fight.

The Power of the Word

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1

So I'm going to take this verse out of context and I'm going to interpret it in an unorthodox, heretical, possibly blasphemous way:

"In the beginning, when language first came to be, it was powerful, it was good, it was the spiritual connect."

I've been thinking about language and communication lately. The following is my recent flow of thought or rather meandering, leaping, spinning of it:

The power of the word- is the written word more powerful than the oral?
Why is it so important for me to write it down? Is it about leaving something of myself behind?

How we use language-
1. Language used as a weapon, as a means of control, manipulation, exploitation. I'm thinking of the large number of spin doctors in positions of power in government, religion, families.
2. Spiritual experiences; free expression; freedom of speech; making sense of our existence; we live to connect with our universe and to tell someone about it. (How the Bible will not ever be completed because it is the record of the humans' God connection experience. Why do we try to make a two thousand year old account of the God experience more relevant, give it more credence than we do our own God connection?)

We are a Story People. We have been from the beginning, we are with the Word, we are the Word.

So that's where my head has been at lately. Care to comment, discuss, connect, tell me your story?

Books

I just finished the book, "In the Place of Last Things" by Micheal Helm. It was promising. Lagged a bit in the middle and then had what I would consider a sad ending. Things happened in the book but mostly inside the main character's head. You know how some books can be so sad and yet have a thread of hope throughout. This one seemed sad and hopeless. There was no real conclusion. You didn't find out in the end if everything was going to be all right. Or maybe it was just the mood I was in.

Before that I read "The Book of Stanley". It had potential, an interesting idea, but disappointing in the lack of depth.

Before that I read "The Book Thief". This one was great. This one was a book that I was sad to finish, one that I wanted to hold on to. The characters still live within me. How do authors do that?

I'm in the middle of "The Shock Doctrine" by Naomi Klein. I put it aside for awhile because it makes me angry and feeling impotent. I wish she didn't just state the problem but had solutions.
Maybe that comes later.

I picked up two books off the library shelf today. One is called The Preservationist by David Maine. It's about Noah and the Ark. Promising so far. The other is by Ann Patchett, author of "Bel Canto", which I thoroughly enjoyed, sad but with that thread of hope I seem to need. This one is called "Run".

I just ordered "Saturday" by Ewen somebody, can't remember. And I ordered "Water for Elephants" which has 78 holds on 6 copies or something like that. These last 2 come highly recommended by friends who have always had good picks.